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I got a lot of responses last week when I posted about writing my Personal Mission Statement. Messages came to me through email, social media devices, and comments on the website. In general it seemed that my story struck a cord people who felt that they were going through something similar and they were truly grateful to know that they were not alone. Others, just enjoyed the candidness of the story and found it to be entertaining. Some, just wrote to say a private, or public, word of thanks. But everyone asked me to please continue with the story so that they could join me in my career path journey.

My original intent was to just post a follow up article the next time I met with my career coach. But after receiving so much feedback, an idea came to me – why not explore each of the four questions out in the open? With that idea came two thoughts. The first was a question: Would I be setting myself up for exposure and ridicule of my inner self, the one I don’t show to just anyone? I will admit, I’m not sure I dig that idea. I actually like my privacy and sometimes showing too much of myself on-line can bring about unwanted familiarities with strangers. But then that was followed by the second thought: Maybe, just maybe, I would learn something new about myself in the process and somehow help someone else along the way. Eventually, the possibility of assisting someone with their own journey was the thought that trumped all others. It is, after all, the main purpose of this site and why I started it to begin with.

So, here we go…

Question #1 – Who Am I?

If you happened to read last week’s post, you’ll remember that my coach told me to answer each question in single random words as if I were to just blurt out the first thing that came to mind. I had decided to get out some note cards I had in my stash of art supplies, and a different colored Sharpie pen assigned to each question so that I could keep the cards more organized. But really, playing with my Sharpie collection is just fun as I have a vast collection of almost every size, style, and color. Basically, any day I have an excuse to bust out my Sharpies is a good day for me. So, after picking out a rich green fine point retractable, I sat down to jot out the words of my identity.

Now, I know my coach told me not to think about it, but when it came to the process of choosing the words, I found myself running into a problem. Questions were filling my mind very quickly and coupling any adjectives that were intended for my now precious note cards.

With each word I wrote out I would ask -

Is this what I really am, or is this something that I just wish I was?

Others have said that I am “this” but is that how I see myself?

Should I write down my faults and bad habits as well, or am I only meant to focus on the positive?

How do I write down the good things about me without feeling like I’m bragging or just feeding my ego?

And when I finished writing my words and noticed that my stack of 12 cards was a lot smaller than I thought it would be..

Is there, or should there be, more to me than I am conscious of?

Sadly, I had no answers, but I somehow felt that if I called my coach to ask her my questions, she wouldn’t be able to answer them or she would tell me that I was thinking too much – a problem that I often face. With great effort, I pushed my questions to the back of my head and again picked up my green Sharpie determined to at least get the card count up to 20. At the time, it seemed like a nice round number. Large enough to show my coach that I was putting in the effort, yet small enough so that I wouldn’t come off like some over achiever that was high from the smell of her own marker.

After scribbling on my cards anything that came to mind, I paused to count.

“1, 2, ……18. But 3 are duplicates of the same definition. Dangit! Ok – rip those up and try again.”

<scribble scribble> <scratch out, rip, toss> <scribble scribble>

OK. Count again..

“1, 2, ……19. One short. UGH!”

My need to complete the self given card limit was suddenly overwhelming. I spread all of the cards out in front of me and looked them all over.

1 – Kind/Caring/Loving/Thoughtful/Generous (sometimes to a fault). 2 – Curious. 3 - Excitable. 4 - Fun/Funny. 5 - Positive (for the most part). 6 – Artistic/Creative/Photoshop Artist/Designer. 7 - A Bit ADD. 8 - A Bit OCD. 9 - Organized. 10 - A People Person. 11 - Easy To Make Giggle or Amuse. 12 - A Motivator. 13 – A Leader. 14 – Smart. 15 - In Love With Technology/A Geek. 16 – A Worry Wart. 17 - Determined/Headstrong/Stubborn (sometimes to a fault). 18 - Weird/Awkward At Times. 19 - Patient.

But what was 20? I just couldn’t see it. I decided to walk away from the project thinking “I’ll put it away for now and maybe it will come to me later.”

My thought was correct. I am happy to report that I have found my number 20. But it wasn’t until just now that I figured out what it was.

I am a writer. Funny as it sounds, I never really knew this before. I knew I had always enjoyed writing and it has always come easy to me. Writing helps me think, and mostly it  just feels like I’m having a conversation. But to think of myself as someone who could make a living writing had never crossed my mind. Now that it has though, it feels almost cozy. Like a great big hug from a good friend that you haven’t seen in a while. It just feels like it’s a natural part of me and who I am. Writing is my number 20. It completes me.

<to be continued…>